Humpty Dumpty (From No' Rabbie Burns) by Stuart McLean
Humpty Dumpty sat oan a wa’
Humpty Dumpty hud a big fa’,
It wisnae an accident,
Caused by cocaine,
It was those whuckin’ neds,
Frae Easterhoose - again.
To a Vegetarian Haggis (From No' Rabbie Burns) by Stuart McLean
Oh go’en hide yer sleekit face,
Great charlatan o’ the pudding-race!
Ahin them a' ye tak your place,
Onion, lentil, and baked beans:
Weel are ye wordy o’ great disgrace,
As lang’s my arm.
Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind despair,
And dish them out their bill o' fare,
All Scotland hates yer stinking ware,
That smells like lavvies;
But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer,
Cowp yon veggie haggis!